While I'm not one to watch wedding videos and feel any sort of feelings, the following is a Must View.
Okay. Everything I just said is complete bullshit aside from the part about the following being a Must View.
Sometimes, I even stalk Facebook, trolling for wedding videos and montages to watch. I have wept over the vows of total strangers. Love overwhelms me like a really horrific case of chlamydia.
You could skip some or all of it EXCEPT for seconds 15-65.
If you do not find yourself a little breathless and welling up with tears at the 55th second, you are not human.
We should all be so lucky as to find a love that renders us so eager for one another. May they bicker about the irrelevant and fuss at one another over the frivolous for the rest of their lives. Cheers to LOVE.
all my husband wants is a wife that keeps bologna in the deli drawer. and I refuse to do it. but we're living (mostly) happily ever after anyway. after all, everyone has their own bologna.
Showing posts with label wedding reception. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wedding reception. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
And Then I Stood There, Staring In the Headlights
Funnily enough, while my face was buried in a Chipotle fajita bowl, my Mom found it a super awesome time to drop a Hey, Let's Shake Up Your Life bombshell.
Her sense of timing has always been particularly enjoyable. If only I were in 10th grade and she had just busted into my pink and purple floral bedroom while I gave my 12th grade boyfriend an H.J. when we're supposed to be doing chemistry.
We're doing chemistry of our own kind, MOM. Don't be embarrassing!
As I'm saucing my barbacoa, she gives me the suspiciously leading, "SO...."
I look up. She looks over. I figure she's finally going to talk to me about the birds and the bees or tampons or something equally uncomfortable.
"Is there going to be a wedding soon?" she inquired.
CHOKE. HOLY JESUS, my life just flashed before my very eyes!
Que the Mother/Daughter laughter and awkward moment of, "I can't fucking believe you just said that" ensues.
On such short notice, I found myself unable to come up with a solid lie to tell my Mom as any good daughter should, so instead I simply blurted out the honest truth.
"No" I told her, "I don't think so. I think you've got at least another year. We all know the glacial pace at which Chris moves in life."
She smiled and shook her head, shaming me and my expectations of disappointment yet again. We bantered back and forth about her confidence in Chris and my Fascist Perfectionism and do we want to get married in a church and you know your father loves a good party.
I think the thing we were both not saying was, HOLY FUCK BALLS, can you even fucking believe some poor bastard hasn't jammed a ring on those sausage fingers yet?!
Guys. I want to tell you a not so secret secret: I don't really care if we get married or not at this point.
Sure, there might be a tax benefit or something, but at this point in my/our lives, I feel like here we are with a dog and a house and neither of us is going anywhere. A legal document won't keep one of us from going somewhere, either, if that's what one of us wants to do.
KnowhaImsayin?
I want to get married mostly for the sake of having a family. Because I'm old fashioned and have traditional values, you judgmental asswipes. I believe one of the primary functions of marriage is children and I'm not ready for that. I mean, I'm totally ready, but if this were a Value Menu and I were building my #6, I would take the dog and the boyfriend, the house, and the remaining 4 years on my Mirena with a Diet Coke.
I like working still, I like spending hours at a time at the gym if I feel like it, and I like giving the kids I raise back to the person that has to pay for them at 5pm.
Truth: I also want to get married because first of all, as lame as it is, I feel like calling him my husband rather than my boyfriend makes us more legitimate in other people's eyes. And also, B of all, I want to get married because, as lame as it is, I feel like it sort of proves his feelings for me.
Does that make sense or should I have left that in my therapy session?
I'm a girl and since I think roses suck and I would only want chocolates if I could eat them in a dark closet by myself, with me and my shame only, I need proof. Blood spatter on the walls, DNA under the fingernails, PROOF. He says it and I believe him and it's enough. Only I'm a girl and even though it's enough, it's not enough.
Only if you have a vagina are you nodding sagely-- KNOWINGLY-- at the completely reasonable nature of that statement.
Also, I love the fricken shit out of his ass and I really want to marry him and make babies and memories. Like, for as long as we both shall live.
That fell out of my fingertips. As long as I didn't let it fall out of my mouth in front of my Mom, I think it's okay to admit that. But Jesus help us all if she hears that and starts talking about playlists and officiants and you know your father loves a good party.
Because god dangit, that man does love a good party and no one, not no one, will party harder than him once we finally make honest spouses out of one another.
Her sense of timing has always been particularly enjoyable. If only I were in 10th grade and she had just busted into my pink and purple floral bedroom while I gave my 12th grade boyfriend an H.J. when we're supposed to be doing chemistry.
We're doing chemistry of our own kind, MOM. Don't be embarrassing!
As I'm saucing my barbacoa, she gives me the suspiciously leading, "SO...."
I look up. She looks over. I figure she's finally going to talk to me about the birds and the bees or tampons or something equally uncomfortable.
"Is there going to be a wedding soon?" she inquired.
CHOKE. HOLY JESUS, my life just flashed before my very eyes!
Que the Mother/Daughter laughter and awkward moment of, "I can't fucking believe you just said that" ensues.
On such short notice, I found myself unable to come up with a solid lie to tell my Mom as any good daughter should, so instead I simply blurted out the honest truth.
"No" I told her, "I don't think so. I think you've got at least another year. We all know the glacial pace at which Chris moves in life."
She smiled and shook her head, shaming me and my expectations of disappointment yet again. We bantered back and forth about her confidence in Chris and my Fascist Perfectionism and do we want to get married in a church and you know your father loves a good party.
I think the thing we were both not saying was, HOLY FUCK BALLS, can you even fucking believe some poor bastard hasn't jammed a ring on those sausage fingers yet?!
Guys. I want to tell you a not so secret secret: I don't really care if we get married or not at this point.
Sure, there might be a tax benefit or something, but at this point in my/our lives, I feel like here we are with a dog and a house and neither of us is going anywhere. A legal document won't keep one of us from going somewhere, either, if that's what one of us wants to do.
KnowhaImsayin?
I want to get married mostly for the sake of having a family. Because I'm old fashioned and have traditional values, you judgmental asswipes. I believe one of the primary functions of marriage is children and I'm not ready for that. I mean, I'm totally ready, but if this were a Value Menu and I were building my #6, I would take the dog and the boyfriend, the house, and the remaining 4 years on my Mirena with a Diet Coke.
I like working still, I like spending hours at a time at the gym if I feel like it, and I like giving the kids I raise back to the person that has to pay for them at 5pm.
Truth: I also want to get married because first of all, as lame as it is, I feel like calling him my husband rather than my boyfriend makes us more legitimate in other people's eyes. And also, B of all, I want to get married because, as lame as it is, I feel like it sort of proves his feelings for me.
Does that make sense or should I have left that in my therapy session?
I'm a girl and since I think roses suck and I would only want chocolates if I could eat them in a dark closet by myself, with me and my shame only, I need proof. Blood spatter on the walls, DNA under the fingernails, PROOF. He says it and I believe him and it's enough. Only I'm a girl and even though it's enough, it's not enough.
Only if you have a vagina are you nodding sagely-- KNOWINGLY-- at the completely reasonable nature of that statement.
Also, I love the fricken shit out of his ass and I really want to marry him and make babies and memories. Like, for as long as we both shall live.
That fell out of my fingertips. As long as I didn't let it fall out of my mouth in front of my Mom, I think it's okay to admit that. But Jesus help us all if she hears that and starts talking about playlists and officiants and you know your father loves a good party.
Because god dangit, that man does love a good party and no one, not no one, will party harder than him once we finally make honest spouses out of one another.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Down the Aisl.. Road
Chris and I are celebrating an anniversary next week. Not a wedding anniversary, but a We did it, We made it anniversary. We ReDid the crap out of a house, moved in together, I took a new job, mourned the loss of my grandfather together, Chris quit smoking, shared our whacky families with one another, sold a house, and bought a new house and goll darn, we still like one another!
People have been asking since Valentine's Day just when it is that he's going to make an honest woman out of me (choke!), and so far we are pretty unphased by the inquiries. Don't get me wrong, he likes it and he's going to put a ring on it, but not this very minute.
Without oversharing financial information or making a to do of Chris' business-- the man doesn't even Facebook for goodness sake.so Le Gasp!-- let's just say the housing transactions have been complex and the choice came down to Get Married or Get Movin, so we chose housing for the time being. But let's be real, I am still a chick and I still wiggle my ring finger in the windshield in anticipation of the glitter that will someday signify our commitment.
However, such is life that God does not let us all have it all, all at once. So for now, the wedding waits. Our commitment feels the same and every bit as real, but the paper documentation waits. When that day comes though, please little Wedding Fairies in the Enchanted Gardens of Love, let it look like this:
People have been asking since Valentine's Day just when it is that he's going to make an honest woman out of me (choke!), and so far we are pretty unphased by the inquiries. Don't get me wrong, he likes it and he's going to put a ring on it, but not this very minute.
Without oversharing financial information or making a to do of Chris' business-- the man doesn't even Facebook for goodness sake.so Le Gasp!-- let's just say the housing transactions have been complex and the choice came down to Get Married or Get Movin, so we chose housing for the time being. But let's be real, I am still a chick and I still wiggle my ring finger in the windshield in anticipation of the glitter that will someday signify our commitment.
However, such is life that God does not let us all have it all, all at once. So for now, the wedding waits. Our commitment feels the same and every bit as real, but the paper documentation waits. When that day comes though, please little Wedding Fairies in the Enchanted Gardens of Love, let it look like this:
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